Z Zzz'z Zzz Zzz Zzz Zzzzzz Z z z Zzzzz

Zz zz zzzzzzzz! Zzz zzzz zz zzzz. Z'zz zzzzz zzzz zzzz zzzzzz zzz z zzzz zzzz.
Z zzzz zzzz Z zzz zzzzz zzzz zzz zzzzzzz zzzz!
Z zzzz zzz zz zzzz zz zzz zzzzz Z zzzzzzz zzzzz Z z'zzzzz zzzz zzzzzzzzz zzz zzzzzzzz Z'zz zzzzz zzzzz zzzzz zzz Z zzz'z zzzz zzzzzz zz zzz.
Zz zzz zzzz z zzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzz zzzz zzz zz. Zz zzzzzzz zz zzzzzzz zz zzz zzz zzzz.
Zzzz zzzzzz zzz zzz zzz zzzz zz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzz zzzz zzzz, Z zzzzz zz zzzzz'zz zz zzz zzzz zz zzz z zzzz zz zzzz Z zz zzzzzz zz zzz.
Z zzz'z zzzzzzzzzzz zzzz zz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz Z zzzzz zzzz. Z zzzzz zzzz zzz Z zzzz zzzzz. Zz zzz zzzzz zzzz zzzzzzzzzzz!
Z zzz'z zzzz zz zzz zzzzz zz zzzzzzzz zzz zzzzzzzz, zzz zz zzz zzz zzzzzz zzz zz zz, zzzzz zzz zz zzzzzzz.

Snooze out!

Caryl Ann Larsen

She always smells good and godly.

She left town yesterday. For 7 weeks, she said.
With us working on the last DTS and then being the operational staff together, I am so used to see her everyday since the year started. I thought it would be strange without her. But I m just quite surprised I haven't missed her as much as I thought I would.

She is an unusual friend as I havent any friend quite like her ever. As much as I love hanging out with her and all, I am always cautious, afraid to hurt, misunderstand or offend her. Inspite of that, I still prefer her over everyone on the base.

As my leader, she challenges me to grow. However uncomfortable I feel, this change is so neccesary for me.

Rachel once said with a chuckle, it's great that you guys like each other. True. That makes a lot of difficult things easier to bear.

Me

I am known by several names. My original name is in chinese characters. Because I was born in Malaysia, my parents had to alphabetize my name into some words that are telligible to the Malay government. Yong Hua Jin. Sadly, of all the three words, only Hua is correct. Yong (my last name) in mandarin pin yin is supposed to be Yang 2nd tone, pronouced as Young to the west. Jin is wrong. The actual pin yin for it is Jing 1st tone. It makes me mad to think that my legal name is full of mistakes.

Nobody calls me Hua Jin anymore. That was my school name for 12 years. Relatives call me Jing Jing. Parents still call me Jing Yang, which is an endearment term for a child. I officially became Angeline when I attended college, but then those who became closer with me in college began to call me Hua Jing. And I actually wouldnt allow them to call me Angeline, for instance with Zoe, my best friend. I remember once she said Angeline and I cringed at how weird it felt and so I made her promise never to address me like that ever. I never called Zoe by Zoe either.

I had another interesting circle of close friends that called me Cat, as in the purrry animal, in varying terms namely, kucing, which means cat in Malaysian, Ah Mao, in mandarin, and meow meow. That happened throughout the time I was in college. There were instances where friends and acquaintances didnt get to know my real name for the longest time because we became so friendly with me just being a 'cat'.

Then when I got to Hong Kong, I was able to keep my cattitude low for quite a bit, and then somehow during the outreach phase, I inevitably let the cat out of the bag again. Terms like gato, xiao mao mao, kitty and such began to proliferate.

And of course for most people in my life right now, as far as they are concerned, I am Angeline.

But what do I consider me? Hua Jing, Angeline, and Mao Mao, they are all equally significant. It is said, God calls me by my name... I can't help to wonder, by which one?

About Love and Submission

They correlate.

Here is a reason why sometimes I dont take words of correction and discipline readily. I dont trust that the person who gives them really loves me. And it doesnt matter if the person really does. If I fail to see the love behind the action, I will still not submit. I will just obey with grudges. I have to admit, I am pretty good at that. People think I am submissive, but that could be false submission.

God convinced me of His love because He has demonstrated His love in the most radical way. I see why the cross was necessary. At this point, I am fully confident of His character of love, and I gladly submit to His discipline, His tough love whenever necessary.

So, it is really not easy to be an authoritive figure.

I dont want anyone to obey out of necessity and fail to see the intention of my heart. I dont want to accuse anyone of pride before I know I have done my best to let my love be irrefutably obvious. That's the greatest challenge being a leader,a teacher, an older sister, maybe next time, a mother.

Important realisation

I reminisced this walk from the pages of 3 prayer journals that I have penned since I got here.

I saw my up and downs, my inconsistencies, the same struggles, the same feelings, and the breakthroughs He brought forth.

I saw His constancy, His faithfulness, His eternal devotion.

This heart within me is grateful for all His rescuing works.

He did not wait for me to have it all together. He is willing to work at my level when not a lot of people are. He provided all my needs regardless of my faith.

This week, something else struck me.... I cant help but realise I am more attracted to His humanity than His deity.

Tylenol pm and other things

If you say I am addicted to drug, maybe you are right.

After Karen gave me some of her tylenol to store in the kitchen just in case...I have been using them 3 times in the past week all cause of headache, which yesterday's was the worst case. I went home during dinnertime and went straight to bed. So I slept and slept and slept.

This morning I was fine physicallty and emotionally until the worship time, we had a bad sound adjustment and I am still traumatized by how I sounded on the keyboard. uggggh... my fault actually, because I asked the sound manager to turn me up and my ears got all confused.

Also, I realize I havent been quite the same with my cyber habits. I dont blog everyday or check on anyone anymore. I dont even chat on msn that much too. It's like I am here but I am not.

Tadaaaa

See, brand new template again. Told ya, I will not keep the minimalist look past August 2.

Alright. Teams coming in and going out.
There was this Cambodian team, and then Perth who showed up suddenly, and one from Colorado Springs.
Cambodia is gone.
Perth is going. Their irresponsibility has driven us all nuts.
Colorado just came in this morning.
I miss the Kings Kids from El Paso. They are by far the best visiting team ever.

Nyyyah

I am so attached to my work. I need to break it. There is a real danger in finding security and even identity in what I am doing. Realised that I have put self value in my performance just like most people out here in HK would.
Nyyyyahhhhh

I need to rest...physically.

Emotional torture is over. I have a good friend back.

This weekend I m gonna chill out and read Calvin and Hobbes. I miss a tiger and my computer.

I wish I can revamp this blog but have to wait till Toosday, till Neek's birthday is over. This template is soooooo freaking ugly.

Neek Lee

Nick is one of the most unforgettable friends I have in life. I think he could be my best friend who is best in a different way than Tayo.

It was funny how I used to tell him that he could be the male version of myself. We love a few similar things..i.e. worship music, computering, cooking, shopping, and talking online. It was even funnier that one time, he actually allowed me to put nail polish on his fingernails. He was just soooooo cool!

It was him that got me interested in DTS. So, you know how important he is!!!

So, he will turn 27 sometime next week, and I think I promised to get back the minimalist look on my blog to celebrate his special day. Even though it sounds silly, still it is nice to remember a promise.

Happy birthday Neek. You know it has been always nice to chat with you all these times all these years.

The best thing

Well, one whole week had passed. Where have I been?

I have been emotionally tortured for a few things but the information is reserved for the privileged few here.

Was planning on doing a full makeover in the middle of last week during a stormy night and then because of the crazy thunder, I had to shut William down because I want him to stay alive. I dont know when I will be putting back the DTS blogring links because I dont get online at home now. All the html stuff was saved on William and I dont feel like doing it from the scratch here (office).

If you are wondering what was the best thing.. hehe... two nights ago, I dreamt of a tiger. A sweet tiger, my pet. He was huge and cuddly. He could take the whole couch and would run away when some mean people shoo him off. I woke up and wish I had a pet tiger.

Funny. It has been a long time since I read Calvin and Hobbes.

Oh well.

all by myself...JUST wanna be, all by myself...la la la

I must say, it has been a very good day.

All my favorite songs were on W this morning at The Vine. Not that it was particularly important, but it made me happy. The service was great. Wished Caryl was there. We spent all our energies and lots of money yesterday down in the Central. That's why she was hiding out today.

I, on the other hand, didn't get as tired as I wished. After passing the Yuen Long station on KCR, I decided to cruise all the way to the terminus at Tuen Mun, where Lawrence currently lives. Could have called him up, but I was so carried away being alone. So, for the first time, I explored Tuen Mun all by myself. Tuen Mun is not that exciting. It's just like Kwai Fong.

On the way back, I stopped by Yuen Long, got myself a mango dip cone at McDonald's, and some lok lok for So Young.

Sweet day.

Something about the D School of Jan 04....

I will normally check my smartcat at malaysia.com once in a while because there hasnt been active mailing activities there. And yesterday when I got in, I received a surprise present from Nancy Liaw. What a blessing. This girl I miss has been quiet for almost a year and I even thought she remembers me no more. That just gave me an idea....I will drop a bomb on Adeline, who was a Kings Kid, whom Carrie misses.

So apparently Carrie will not be coming back to Asia. I know what to tell Caryl.

Heard from Faby recently that Kevin is getting engaged with some Spanish girl he met at university.

Nicky and Brandon, who has recently became an uncle, are both working hard as FEET has now started. Nicky is the co-leader of FEET!!

William and Rose are both staff at YWAM Ensenada. It is amazing how closely involved we are in each others lives even today.

Catherine is planning her way back to Hong Kong...hopefully. Imagine the Lighthouse with her, me and Nicky.

And so many of them (Cat, Liz, Carrie, Rose, and Will(??)) will be going to see darling Kristy in Canada.

Have I forgotten to mention anyone?

I think we are too good to be true. Feels like we are still together!

Father 2

This morning I was frying chicken with some help from the SBS from Kona base. Father put me in the leader's heart to pray for me. So, Elijah and Jan (not married) came to me tonight and spoke bunch of blessings and words of knowledge over me.

This is the first time I am personally blessed by a visiting team.


I am so loved by the Father. So loved.

Happy Birthday Joe

He is 53 today. If I have known earlier, I could have made him a big bowl of noodle with chicken soup and chinese wine. I heard the Feeters will be visiting his house for their progressive dessert tonight.

One thing I forgot to mention... last weekend, we welcomed our new roomates Jeremy and Scala to our Lighthouse. They were coming to participate FEET but changed their minds to staff FEET. The Lighthouse would have been called the FEET staff house if I weren't living there.

FEET 05 finally started on Monday. With all the schools and program going, we only have 3 operation staff left on the base...Anna Jane, Caryl and me. Anna Jane is heading home (Wollongong, AUS) for furlough this saturday. Then soon, Caryl is going to go. And then, I will go too.

This half of the year will be pretty interesting for me. Whatever happens in this 5-6 months will determine what I will be doing next year.

We'll see what the kitty drags in.

Unusual Weekend

After lamenting about not seeing much of me anymore since I worked in the kitchen, Brandon suggested that we should go out for coffee sometime. So, yesterday afternoon was it.

It was the first time I went out with B, and the first time I took a free bus from Tsuen Wan West to Kwai Fong. B said, that way we could save the transportation money for our Pacific Coffee's chillinos, but he ended up paying for me.

We spent the whole afternoon talking and walking the plaza with our chillinos. We got ourselves matching anklets to commemorate our little 'date'. He made us fettuccine alfredo for dinner and then we watched 'Hero" together. He left the Lighthouse almost midnight.

It was unusual because I totally didn't expect we could do so many things in a day and I havent been so relaxed since I got back from outreach! It was unexpectedly pleasant.

It was all night prayer last night. Prayer and Feasting...Ams prepared so much snacks.

The worship/intercession time was demon terrorizing.

I had a new kitchen record. I cooked 30 lbs of chicken one night and there wasnt any leftover!!!

Catherine sent me the newest Passion CD "How Great is Our God". That song has been ringing in my head for the last 12 hours. Catherine, I know how much you like that song. I am just as obsessed as you are.

The base is so full of people now, just like during the Christmas Outreach. I really like the King's Kids. How I wish they will stay here forever.

I am completely exhausted but completely satisfied and happy.

I love being busy like crazy.

Father

I have a picture of my Heavenly Father's hands holding mine, both of us holding on to each other, refusing to let go.

I will never let go on Father's hands. My eyes are fixed on His face. As I look into the eyes, I see the reflection of a person.

So, this is what Father sees of me...

I get it!

To be able to know how Father sees me, First, I have to look into His eyes.

King's Kids International of YWAM El Paso

These kids are solid and on fire for God. They are the revival catalysts of their generation!

It is an honor to serve them and even having them swallow my entire kitchen! They thought the fish porridge that I made tasted like chicken porridge.

Tina called this morning. I gave her the mobile numbers of all the people on the base that has one.

Happy July 4th.

Famine!

Well, this El Paso KKI (King Kids International) team is hungry! I must have forgotten that they are teens.

My fruits are almost gone. Cereal and Milk completely wiped. I have two empty fridges with some eggs and few loaves of bread.

It will be a sad breakfast tomorrow. Very sad.

And they will have to endure fish porridge for lunch. Nick oversalted the baked fish last night and I thought up a perfect redemption plan.

See, I am getting good at this now.

Hehe.

Menu

Due to the good food Frank had the past week, he came by my planet and gave me a reward. First it was a rotten orange, which I immediately threw into the lapsap bin. And then this used BEE & FLOWER anti-dandruff hair conditioner, which someone from a visiting team left behind. It was really appropriate. I needed to get conditioner today but I forgot.

Just thought it would be nice to let the world know what I am planning on making next week.
Here...

Ham & Cheese sandwich, Caesar's salad, Beef with Broccoli, Green Bean Casserole, Eggs & Tomatoes, Fried salted peanuts, Chillied Pork, Stir Fry Bok Choy, Kung Pow Chicken, Baked Sweet Potatoes and Marshmallow, Beef Stew, Eggplant with Spicy Sauce, Fried Rice, OILY Tuna Sandwich, Shepherd's Pie, and Malaysia Culture Night Specials.

I am pretty sure things won't turn out the way I planned. That was how it has been the past week.

Carrie, are you returning to your university in the fall? Caryl and me are curious!!