A year has passed by without much progress. Maybe there was somewhere, sometime, somehow and somewhat I felt a certain breakthrough. Perhaps I've matured more in my thoughts, in terms of taking responsibilities, and how to be proficient and competitive in the real world.. and yet, i witness my heart slowly dying.
I have no more desires. It becomes a dirty and a cruel word. I am completely lost. I am indeed that far off that I do not know how to come back. The anger continues. I am actually angry at the fact I am this angry. It is a place where I know nothing can make me happy. Not even the thought of God. So maybe here is the problem. I lost hope in God, so there's nothing left to look forward to. Everything is screwed. God, what do I say to you? to myself? I just dont know what it is about anymore.
i have been wanting to say those two words here for more than a year and i finally did.