i m not referring to a music band or the movie. it is just a word on its own and how i relate it.
it has been a year since i came. i realized He has always linked missions (defined as cross cultural endeavors/efforts to make known the gospel of jesus christ and to start a congregation of people from that culture) to something in me that recognizes that as the greatest passion i ever have. i become very vulnerable. as a person who considers herself emotionally stable, i find myself completely baring my soul whenever i am face to face with Him concerning the nations, which are not necessarily geopolitical, just simply the people he created.
His heart is anxious for them. i m humbled by His urgency and His pain. each of them is the object of his affection and vulnerability. but because they have not heard, they have not known. He is losing them forever. i dont know this pain because i havent loved as He love and i never have to lose anyone i love forever.
i was relecting the other night. i want His pain to be mine. more than that, i actually do not want it to go away. THIS is the passion that drives me on. if my life doesnt make a difference for Him, why should i be living? if living is not for Him, i exist for nothing. i live for Him and i will die in Him.
life without passion is worse than death. my greatest fear would be that i wake up one morning and cannot remember my passion.
where do i go from here? i know for the fact even when i exhaust all the resources that i have, it will never be enough to soothe the pain. i want to give everything i have in this life. i am thinking even if i dont get to see everything done, i will offer my children to continue fulfill the desires of His heart...and if not, my children's children.
i hope you dont misunderstand me. i m devoting myself to a Person, not a cause.
may the Lamb that was slain receives the reward of His suffering.
sincerely,
angeline
1 comment:
Greatly encouraged by ur sharing. Yes, God's heart for people always amazes me - I do believe I've asked for the same thing before and I've been afraid of the same thing; losing my passion for Him. It's interesting that many times, my wife n I suddenly stop ourselves and ask that very question with fear and trembling. Thanks for being a blessing where you are and know that God is proud of who you are and that He does rejoice over you with love.
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