Reentry to HK

It started to make sense why I feel unangeline these days. My mood has been unstable since I got back from OR and I was not sure why I am this way. While I was sitting here talking to Faby, the light bulb came up. Re entry is rough and it does affect unemotional people sometimes.

Here is a collection of oracles that came up during OR.

1. Have a heart for the lost, not just a desire to be involved in missions. What is your real motive, Angeline? (CS)

2. One who denies god, denies his own humanity. (KM)

3. One who put his faith in science and its discoveries will never discover his purpose in life. (KM)

4. Build a relationship with an unbelieving friend, get to know the person enough that you can envision what kind of believer the person would be. (KM)

5. It is beneficial, even crucial that a new believer should own a good study bible. (KM)

6. Compare to eternal life which is the absolute reality, the difference in age in our present life is negligible. In the light of eternity, we are all considered infants. (LZ)


都是你 词，曲， 唱：王光良

谁改变了我的世界没有方向没有日夜
我看着天这一刻在想你
你是否会对我一样思念

你曾说我们有一个梦等到那天我们来实现
我望着天在心中默默念
下一秒你出现在眼前

想念的心装满的都是你
我的钢琴 弹奏的都是你
我的日记写满的都是你的名
才发现又另一个黎明

这是我对你爱的累积。

kk, 你可知道啊，我是没有一天不想你。 可是想着的都是开心的事情！

Its time to go

Leaving tomorrow for the outreach I have anticipated for.

I dont have much to blog about but I dont want to leave without saying goodbye.

So bye.

My dichotomy

One thing.

Recapitulating what happened during outreach last year, even though I know it is impossible, I decided to try getting this sorted through before I leave. Defining this was the cause my insomnia last night. Now, let me astound you with the complexity of my simple mind.

There was me. Angeline and Hua Jing. There was us and them. And there was us and them. With them, I was Angeline, trying to forget Hua Jing. With them, I was Angeline except Angeline was trying to remember Hua Jing. Angeline had to be part of us because everyone of us could not be part of them. Angeline rationalized and emotionalized in our language. Hua Jing used to be part of them. She felt and reasoned in their language because our language was foreign. But Hua Jing is no longer that. She has become Angeline. And when Angeline was with them, Hua Jing wanted to come back. Hua Jing wanted to temporarily forget Angeline, afterall Angeline didnt exist till Hua Jing was 18. Hua Jing itched to be returned to them. Angeline missed the days she was only Hua Jing. Yes, there were days she was only Hua Jing and today she is totally Angeline. Hua Jing was unhappy with the insensitive remarks that were being spoken about them because she was one of them. And Angeline was unhappy with the insensitive remarks that were spoken about them because she was also one of them. Angeline couldnt blame them. Hua Jing couldnt blame them. Angeline saw the divergence of these two worlds, practically impossible to unite yet colliding and clashing in her own life, seeking for a resolution and closure.

Angeline or Hua Jing?

Hua Jing or Angeline?

It is really hard to be both at the same time. If you really want to understand, take up a second culture now and in the next decade speak think and feel only in that language, then go back and interact with the people that reminds you of your past and tell me how that feels!

The reward is, it can be insanely fun.

Where I am

This is only the 6th entry of the month. Sad to say, the record is embarrassing. So finally tonight I decided to give a more down to earth update about where I am.

I am still on the planet. I realize I havent been vocal about the DTS this year. Not that I am not enthusiastic about it or anything. I like it lots, as excited if not more than I did last year. This is the end of lecture phase. I find it hard to believe we are leaving for outreach in 12 days...my last outreach before I become Mrs Kah Kheng Khoo....which means I need to start thinking about my expectations for this very special 2 months, eh?

I am at least half-packed for outreach. The more challenging task is to get Fabys place more immaculate than when I moved in. I am not a very fast cleaner. Let me correct that, I am not a cleaner. And I was warned of hurricane Faby, which is scheduled to hit should I fail to clean up my mess before outreach. Very sad. So this weekend, I am having sweet Fifi over to assist me.

And oh, I am moving back to the Lighthouse it seems. Nancy said so at least. And, I get to be the Dining Service Director again in the summer. The additional challenge is to produce a disciple out of this to take over me after I am gone.

This week, I managed to watch the whole season 1 of Mash by myself. Cant think of any more highlights. I want a nap.

My past life

In two weeks I will be moving out from Fabys. The apartment looks like it just got hit by a tornado. So, I have been organizing my properties (again) and I saw my thesis....no one here knows how much trouble I went through to get this.

Anyway, the thesis is titled Analytical Method Development for the Cleaning Effectivenes of Residual Peanut Protein on Stainless Steel in Particular Ara h1. The abstract reads.... (if you dont plan to fall asleep, skip the next paragraph)

The peanut allergen, Ara h1, can potentially become part of a different food system due to cross contamination from processing with campaigned equipments. To prevent cross-contamination, studies must be completed that demonstrate the effectiveness of standardized cleaning procedures for removing the allergen from product contact surfaces. In the pharmaceutical industry, cleaning validation consists of surface residual sampling, recovery and detection of the recovered material. Based upon this model, a sampling method that recovers Ara h1 from a stainless steel surface; and an assay that is capable of selectively detecting and semi-quantifying the recovered Ara h1 allergen were developed. These analytical techniques were able to recover up to 78-99% of peanut proteins and to detect the recovered Ara h1 protein at levels of 80-122 nanograms.

I took about a year to develop my sampling and recovery procedures, smooth and steady. The detection and quantification was a bizarre story. Spring 2003, I decided to graduate by hook or by crook so that I could come to HK for DTS. I implemented my detection scheme and ran experiments after experiments that entire summer with no substantial result. My research director never saw a protein behaving like that on the detection instrument. My other research committee member were basically speechless. YWAM HK called and asked if I was still interested in their Performing Arts DTS. I was never interested in Performing Arts and I wasnt able to leave my project anyway. Later they cancelled the school because almost no one wanted to go (afraid of SARS). So I applied for January school instead.

October came, we decided to collect enough data for our bizzarre findings and moved on to a new alternate scheme, not as glamorous, but with other advantages. Besides, I could actually run the method in my sleep because I did it so much before I came on to the grad school and the only thing practical to do so that I could graduate by December. Things seemed to go well until one day in the middle of November I had reasons to suspect my water system was contaminated. If that were true, the bottomline was, I had no results. Water purity was critical for my aim to establish nanogramic detection limit for contaminants. Imagine my fright!

However, in two weeks we found out the water was fine. Something else was interfering with my controls and we got it fixed. By then, it wasnt realistic anymore to graduate in December, I had to apply for May graduation. So, after editing my thesis for about 10 times, I was scheduled to deliver an oral defense. Much to my chagrin, just when everything was set, I received a notice from YWAM HK that they were moving the DTS a week earlier than it was scheduled.(STUPID YWAM HK!!!) So I had to cut down on my breathing and rescheduled my final oral exam two days before I left NE. I didnt have enough time to do much in one and a quarter day...I didnt have much time to think I was leaving NE for good. I thought perhaps one day, when I am not busy anymore, I will come back to NE and say goodbye properly. More than 2 years had gone by and I havent done that.

Anyway, the point of my post is actually that being a missionary is much more fun than being a scientist.

An obnoxious question

I wanted to blog this the other day but I didnt because my keyboard sensors are losing it. Sometimes letter like h would not come out. Very annoying. As much as I love my faithful Inspiron 8000, I am preparing for its funeral.

Anyway, about that obnoxious question that I was pondering a little while ago......before I am aware of the human function called sex, the only reason I could think of why people regard the pubic area as dirty (after Deans teaching, I know sex is not dirty anymore) is because that is the area we associate pee and poo with. So, why did God in His intelligence created sexual organs in proximity with our poo and pee organs and for guys, the same organ?!?!?!?!

After lunch on Monday, I posed the question to some intelligent people like Fifi, Catherine and Anna. Fifi of course just busted out laughing. Both Anna and Catherine, to my amazement came up with a similar answer - convenience!! Anna said there is an incentive to keep that area clean. Catherine said, when we wear underwear, it automatically protect all of them together. And, that is smart!

Why didnt I think of that before??

Anyway, I found the answers satisfying. So I closed the case in peace.

A Long Pajama Day

This is Happy Saturday. The only day in the week that I get to sleep in. The more I sleep, the sleepier I get.

I know I need to get more creative. I want to. I really do. I can make a long list of what I should be doing instead of sleeping but I dont think I can give up sleep yet.

And I am even blogging in my sleep. If I have to mention the word blog in my blog, thats when I know my creativity is not awake.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Trinity

I almost gave up writing blogs. I am too lazy to do anything. I am not excited with life. I dont like watching tv. I dont feel like shopping for anything. I dont feel like listening to any chinese songs or reading anything thought-provoking. I am just not up to anything. I kinda like my life like this, uncomplicated and boring.

Maybe I am just pmsing.

Wanna be my friend and hang out?

Speaking of friends, I have a series of 'Trinity's ever since I remember having friends. I think triads are great. Whenever two argues, we have a tie breaker and one gets to pick a side. I don't have any pictures of my 'trinity' further back than Lincoln NE...but here are the rest...


That's the most prominent 'trinity' during the days of Lincoln Revival Team. Me(Hua Jin), Cherh Kuan, and Hui Wan, whom we dearingly called Ah Hui. In that relationship, I was definitely the cockiest of them all...but they loved me well.


There's my other social circle that ran parallel with my CK and Ah Hui circle. We were pretty exclusive as in having special meetings to talk about nothing. I liked Neek and 'disliked' Budi. In that relationship, I was known as the Cat. Usually Neek wouldn't call me Cat...it was just Budi.


This happened after the other two circles left lincoln. I knew both Erin (the blonde one)and Jessica before the millenium but 'suddenly' got close in 2003, right before I came to Hong Kong. They are both in Omaha then and now. I needed to drive to Omaha to meet up with them. Jessica still send cards to me occassionally...and Erin wants to be a Missionary.


And here in Hong Kong, I continue my tradition to trinitize my relationship. This is the most updated one. On my left, Caryl, the Grand Pooba, and on my right is Grandma Keith from Hoserland. If my wedding is just about myself, I would have Caryl be my flowergirl and Grandma the ring bearer...but unfortunately, it is not!!!!!

The Reality of My Heart

There's this beautiful thing called love. One of the things mentioned about it is that, it covers a multitude of sins.

My heart is hurting like crazy, yet I find a simple reason to rejoice-a revelation that I am actually more intensely in love with KK than I think I do. I love him jealously and passionately with my heart, not just my head.

Only by continuing to choose love, healing will come to a completion.

I felt like I've grown up so much. And the exciting thing is that I am willing.

The Reality of Life

There's this beautiful thing called sex. With that comes along issues like pregnancies, and parenthood. Putting marriage and sex and pregnancy together, I, the bethrothed have now to be concerned about birth control because I want to be the only baby for the first year at least.

Most of my research resulted in 4 distinct methods.
First, the natural method which I personally find more appealing than others. Basically it involves thermometer reading. If my body temperature rises, it means I am ovulating. So, that means avoid sex during those days. If there's a thermometer that not only read temperature but can give an instant advice such as 'today is your unlucky day', I might consider getting one. Natural method is very much a hassle because I have to take temperature and kinda monitor my body temperature everyday to chart a trend. Yawn.

Then, there's this hormonal method (the pills, patches, injections etc). Pills are common. I even heard there's a male pill. Besides the side effects, the thought of 'lowering the sperm count to zero' feels wrong and murderous, just like the thought of using spermicide. I just feel wrong to kill.

Then, there's this barrier method (condoms, diaphrams etc). Condoms are common. I even heard there's a female condom. But because, it is not part of our bodies. Involving that is like involving a third party. So, that feels wrong too.

Then, there's sterilization, the permanent method. Of course this is not an option now.

Considering the fact that the chances of me getting pregnant is only high for about 2 weeks in a month, and considering the general frequency of sex is only like once a week, someone should just tell me birth control is no big deal. Chances are I will not get pregnant without birth control that easily.

But of course, nobody is willing to give me such an advice.

Sigh.

The last one

Out of curiosity, I took this test. And this is what I found out....

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Anyway, I am done with blogthings.

Take a break for Quizzes

These are ME

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

You Aren't Scary, You're Scared

Probably even scared to see how this quiz came out!

How Scary Are You?

Who Should Paint You: Gustav Klimt

Sensual and gorgeous, you would inspire an enchanting portrait.. With just enough classic appeal to be hung in any museum!

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

I am so grown up!

Tampons are the bestest invention ever and Caryl's such a cool 'mom'.

I am so excited to go on outreach with them. 7 more weeks!!!!

Pads...NEVER AGAIN.

Bloody Painful

Caryl said I will be blogging about this. Therefore, just so that she is right, here I am.

Today, I ventured into something new. I made use of a gift given to me by Catherine during my last visit to the Lighthouse. Even Fifi tried it. So, definitely being naturally competitive and didn't want to be left out, I needed to do it at least once, just so I could brag about it.

So, I did. It was bloody painful. I tolerated the discomfort for about 3 hours and said NEVER AGAIN.

See, I know I could brag about it. Bravo to me!

Be Near

Be near O God of us, your nearness is to us our good. -a song by Shane Barnard written based on Psalm 73:28, which has now become a resounding prayer in my heart....

I have been "freaking out" internally with the changes that are taking place in my life right now. Even my relationship with my God is changing, you know. There is this season that I relate to him as a little child to her father. I love, think, act, speak, eat and play just like a child because that's how I feel my God sees me. It is a place of comfort and safety.

After being espoused to Kah Kheng, God begins to reveal to me that there's another dimension of a relationship with him, of which I have neglected, of which a lot deeper and richer than a Father to a child - the relationship between the Lover and the Beloved. Now, that is awkward for me. I am comfortable being a Child, but not quite a Beloved. Marriage has to be the boldest thing I will ever do. When people asked me "when will you ever get hitched?', in all sanity, I had always replied "when I grow up" and so the growing up time is now. It is amazing how God has led me in such a way, until I am at this place, and of course he is still preparing me and taking me further and deeper into himself.

4 days with Kah Kheng was like 4 days with God. I saw the reflection of my loving God in my fiance. He just couldnt stop blessing me with affections and gifts and attention to an extend that I felt stressed and guilty receiving this overload of love expressions simple because there was no way I could recipocrate that love. God said, that's how I lavished my love on my people, and do you think they could ever recipocrate my love for them?

But then, this is exactly the purpose of my life. I am living simply to recipocrate my God's love for me. Eternity is designed for that.
God's love everlasts.

Let me brag...

This weekend...let me tell you, it is quite an honor to be asked by a man like Kah Kheng to be his wife. It happened in Faby's living room (Faby you are blessed), no flowers, champagne nor candles nor a life violinist, but a few pairs of my semidry bluestar socks laying around the armrest of the couch as witnesses. He got down on his knees and asked the important question with all sincerity. I tried quite hard not to laugh because I knew that moment was sacred and thank God, I didnt spoil it.

The rock is quite impressive. Well, it is 0.21Ct, Round Hearts & Arrows, colorless E, VS1 clarity, sitting on a 4-prong solitaire platinum ring setting for the detailholics.
He, whose heart is more precious and beautiful than the rock he got, did way much better than I expected. He is my real treasure.

You see, both Gena (my Dts student) and I are shy. I knew that both her and Bethany (her roomate) must have heard the news but they must have been too shy to ask if they could look at it. I was shy to show it off to them. So, I said nothing. Then this morning, I saw Gena discreetly took a look on it.
So cute!

About a cat and a dog

This happened this afternoon while I was waiting to catch a bus to Yuen Long to get a bus to the airport to pick up Kah Kheng.

About 4:30pm. I was waiting under the tree by the lapsap. There was a dog laying outside the gate staring at me. I couldnt pick up whether that was a friendly or a hostile stare as I dont read dogs very well. I tried not to keep much eye contact with it because I didnt want it to suddenly come attack me.

Then came along a cat which I supposed just woke up from a nap. It sat just beside the dog. They seemed to get along. As a cat lover, I started to 'talk' the cat into coming near me, but I guess I didnt have the right cat accent. It totally ignored me.

After meowing several times, the dog got up and started to come towards me. Whether it thought I was calling for it, or it was just being sensitive and sorry for me for getting rejected by the cat. So I ended up petting doggy instead of kitty.

Cats are arrogant and selfish. But one who loves cats knows unconditional love.

Family

So, what do we have here? Aha, the Yong Dynasty (yeah right!). From left, me- Hua Jin, dad - David, sis - Hua Mey, mom - Sii Ing, and bro - Hua Yeo. If I remember correctly, that was Chinese New Year 1987, the one last time I had my hair like that...cute huh? I was barely 10 and I wore silk stockings....must be one of those weird influences I had!!!!!

A little dilemma....

There's this Malaysian Chinese singer name Fish Leong. She is VERY POPULAR in China, outrageously. Her songs are great. I like a lot of them. But her singing voice....ermmm...just like mine, a little better. I am enjoying the torture listening to her. That's what I mean, a little dilemma.

I am gonna put in Michael Wong's CD, another Malaysian Chinese singer who is outrageously popular in China, who was my hero and 'boyfriend'....actually just one of my many 'boyfriends' - Alec Su-the Taiwanese Singer, Lawrence Lau-my ex huskermate, Jason Tang-the meat delivery guy in KamTin.... Then Kah Kheng came into the picture. The 'scandal' finally stopped.

The Return of Rahel

Rahel (we couldnt say her name right, so we call her Rachel) came back with her Antoinne. She has never looked so beautiful. So, that's what a husband could do to a girl...

Wow.

And, by the way, I finally watched Narnia. It was cool...but, I am suspecting myself having a interest-in-movies-pause. The symptoms have been getting more obvious by days!!!