Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Post-OR Ramblings

i havent stopped smiling since i got back. some people even said i looked different from the way it was during OR. cuter they said. i can live till my old age with that.

life here is not as good as it was during the OR. the last two months even though living out of a backpack, i got to stay in rooms of bigger sizes, not having to climb to go to bed, 24 hr a/c with tv and tons of favorite dramas vs only having a/c from 10p - 6a and no tv to watch, not needing to clean bathroom vs having to clean it once every week, having other people to clean up after each meal and NO STAFF MEETINGS.

caryl and i were so good at finding luxury hotels.

evangelism was fun. there was this strong annointing that finally it became really natural for me. i would like to get even better. i know the Big Dude was pleased!

leadership was ok. not easy, not really difficult, and not really natural for me as well. it was a rare, occasional, and an only-happened-whenever-necessary the eclipse. but i will do it again. evangelism was too fun to be hindered by that.

other than that, sometimes i couldnt help feeling lonely. there were times i strongly felt being part of the people out there more than part of the team especially when i started to feel and think in the language of the people. but then i was one with team in terms of our goals and spirituality. they were of two different worlds that were trying to collide. and collision was happening inside me concurrent to my realization of how big the difference was. actually it never stopped. it started when i came back to asia and i felt it stronger and more when i wasnt on the base. it is just one of the many analyses that i havent had a complete closure or no closure at all.

i must say i am one of the most interesting characters around. it is STILL a debate whether i m more asian or western; i am so kiddish as if i am trapped in my childhood even though i m about to hit my 30s; i am supposed to be quite intelligent but i like acting silly just as i m supposed to be a human but acting a lot like a cat.

no wonder most people think i m complex. rachel just said i m a walking paradox.

but then again, it was nothing compared to what jesus had felt. when he was on the planet, he was both man and god. that must have been really hard.

i will have to stop here. i have some testimonies to prepare for tomorrow's report back. i usually dont like to procrastinate.


Anonymous said...

I love you. I am glad that you are back.

Anonymous said...

Hey you, was wondering when you would post so I could comment and welcome you back. There are times we will feel that there are two sides to us - and others when we feel everything is one and the same. I'm sure that at some point, the people will be your team and vice versa. Then again, Jesus said that we are to be in the world but not of it and maybe that's what you're feeling. But hey, who said smart people had to act smart rite?Anyways good to know you had fun and that you find Evangelism a joy - coz for me, it's always been something foreign.

Enjoying what you have now - priceless.