Chern Chuan

Yesterday at the KCR, I thought I saw Chern Chuan. I knew there was no way it could be him but the guy's resemblance of him jittled me. I think I stared at him for a long time. About a week ago, while I was on the train back from OR, I thought of Chern Chuan and how much he let me be who I was when we were together. Chern Chuan was my first love and I was his. I have so much memories that still put smiles on my face......

I remember sabotaging his shoe laces and then he almost fell.
I remember him crying the first time I told him I would love him unconditionally
I remember him climbing a tree and pretended to be a monkey.
I remember him asking me if I would ever become a missionary.
I remember on our first Valentine's Day, I gave him a jar of Skippy peanut butter as a present.
I remember the only time we had a little disagreement, he got me a Hercules soundtrack and made up to me.
I remember him teaching me how to make fried green beans.
I remember all the times he cooked for me and cleaned up because I was too busy.
I remember all the times he tried to appease me when I got mad at something.
I remember him bringing me Burger King sack dinner before I took off to attend IVCF's Fall Conference.
I remember him walking me home, which was a mile away from his dorm even though there was a foot of snow out there, and then he walked back alone.
I remember him trying for a week to get his driver's licence just so that he could fulfill his promise to bring me to the Henry Doorly Zoo.
I remember him doing all he could just so I would stay in the relationship.

And I remember his tears when I told him I loved another.
But then I remember he forgave me and let me go.

Chern Chuan, I wonder what I will say to you if I ever see you again. Are you still in Omaha? Settled down with some cute girl? Most importantly, have you made a decision about God?

I realized how much I have changed (or rather became more like the girl i used to be) since I returned to Asia. You entered my mind only because I remembered the time and the girl I was when we were together. I tried to change that girl and got all confused. Now, I realized this is so ME and I am accepting it happily.

But then, will I ever see you again?

It really doesnt matter.