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Z zzzz zzzz Z zzz zzzzz zzzz zzz zzzzzzz zzzz!
Z zzzz zzz zz zzzz zz zzz zzzzz Z zzzzzzz zzzzz Z z'zzzzz zzzz zzzzzzzzz zzz zzzzzzzz Z'zz zzzzz zzzzz zzzzz zzz Z zzz'z zzzz zzzzzz zz zzz.
Zz zzz zzzz z zzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzz zzzz zzz zz. Zz zzzzzzz zz zzzzzzz zz zzz zzz zzzz.
Zzzz zzzzzz zzz zzz zzz zzzz zz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzz zzzz zzzz, Z zzzzz zz zzzzz'zz zz zzz zzzz zz zzz z zzzz zz zzzz Z zz zzzzzz zz zzz.
Z zzz'z zzzzzzzzzzz zzzz zz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz Z zzzzz zzzz. Z zzzzz zzzz zzz Z zzzz zzzzz. Zz zzz zzzzz zzzz zzzzzzzzzzz!
Z zzz'z zzzz zz zzz zzzzz zz zzzzzzzz zzz zzzzzzzz, zzz zz zzz zzz zzzzzz zzz zz zz, zzzzz zzz zz zzzzzzz.

Snooze out!

Caryl Ann Larsen

She always smells good and godly.

She left town yesterday. For 7 weeks, she said.
With us working on the last DTS and then being the operational staff together, I am so used to see her everyday since the year started. I thought it would be strange without her. But I m just quite surprised I haven't missed her as much as I thought I would.

She is an unusual friend as I havent any friend quite like her ever. As much as I love hanging out with her and all, I am always cautious, afraid to hurt, misunderstand or offend her. Inspite of that, I still prefer her over everyone on the base.

As my leader, she challenges me to grow. However uncomfortable I feel, this change is so neccesary for me.

Rachel once said with a chuckle, it's great that you guys like each other. True. That makes a lot of difficult things easier to bear.

Me

I am known by several names. My original name is in chinese characters. Because I was born in Malaysia, my parents had to alphabetize my name into some words that are telligible to the Malay government. Yong Hua Jin. Sadly, of all the three words, only Hua is correct. Yong (my last name) in mandarin pin yin is supposed to be Yang 2nd tone, pronouced as Young to the west. Jin is wrong. The actual pin yin for it is Jing 1st tone. It makes me mad to think that my legal name is full of mistakes.

Nobody calls me Hua Jin anymore. That was my school name for 12 years. Relatives call me Jing Jing. Parents still call me Jing Yang, which is an endearment term for a child. I officially became Angeline when I attended college, but then those who became closer with me in college began to call me Hua Jing. And I actually wouldnt allow them to call me Angeline, for instance with Zoe, my best friend. I remember once she said Angeline and I cringed at how weird it felt and so I made her promise never to address me like that ever. I never called Zoe by Zoe either.

I had another interesting circle of close friends that called me Cat, as in the purrry animal, in varying terms namely, kucing, which means cat in Malaysian, Ah Mao, in mandarin, and meow meow. That happened throughout the time I was in college. There were instances where friends and acquaintances didnt get to know my real name for the longest time because we became so friendly with me just being a 'cat'.

Then when I got to Hong Kong, I was able to keep my cattitude low for quite a bit, and then somehow during the outreach phase, I inevitably let the cat out of the bag again. Terms like gato, xiao mao mao, kitty and such began to proliferate.

And of course for most people in my life right now, as far as they are concerned, I am Angeline.

But what do I consider me? Hua Jing, Angeline, and Mao Mao, they are all equally significant. It is said, God calls me by my name... I can't help to wonder, by which one?

About Love and Submission

They correlate.

Here is a reason why sometimes I dont take words of correction and discipline readily. I dont trust that the person who gives them really loves me. And it doesnt matter if the person really does. If I fail to see the love behind the action, I will still not submit. I will just obey with grudges. I have to admit, I am pretty good at that. People think I am submissive, but that could be false submission.

God convinced me of His love because He has demonstrated His love in the most radical way. I see why the cross was necessary. At this point, I am fully confident of His character of love, and I gladly submit to His discipline, His tough love whenever necessary.

So, it is really not easy to be an authoritive figure.

I dont want anyone to obey out of necessity and fail to see the intention of my heart. I dont want to accuse anyone of pride before I know I have done my best to let my love be irrefutably obvious. That's the greatest challenge being a leader,a teacher, an older sister, maybe next time, a mother.

Important realisation

I reminisced this walk from the pages of 3 prayer journals that I have penned since I got here.

I saw my up and downs, my inconsistencies, the same struggles, the same feelings, and the breakthroughs He brought forth.

I saw His constancy, His faithfulness, His eternal devotion.

This heart within me is grateful for all His rescuing works.

He did not wait for me to have it all together. He is willing to work at my level when not a lot of people are. He provided all my needs regardless of my faith.

This week, something else struck me.... I cant help but realise I am more attracted to His humanity than His deity.

Tylenol pm and other things

If you say I am addicted to drug, maybe you are right.

After Karen gave me some of her tylenol to store in the kitchen just in case...I have been using them 3 times in the past week all cause of headache, which yesterday's was the worst case. I went home during dinnertime and went straight to bed. So I slept and slept and slept.

This morning I was fine physicallty and emotionally until the worship time, we had a bad sound adjustment and I am still traumatized by how I sounded on the keyboard. uggggh... my fault actually, because I asked the sound manager to turn me up and my ears got all confused.

Also, I realize I havent been quite the same with my cyber habits. I dont blog everyday or check on anyone anymore. I dont even chat on msn that much too. It's like I am here but I am not.

Tadaaaa

See, brand new template again. Told ya, I will not keep the minimalist look past August 2.

Alright. Teams coming in and going out.
There was this Cambodian team, and then Perth who showed up suddenly, and one from Colorado Springs.
Cambodia is gone.
Perth is going. Their irresponsibility has driven us all nuts.
Colorado just came in this morning.
I miss the Kings Kids from El Paso. They are by far the best visiting team ever.