Screw Everything!!!

A year has passed by without much progress. Maybe there was somewhere, sometime, somehow and somewhat I felt a certain breakthrough. Perhaps I've matured more in my thoughts, in terms of taking responsibilities, and how to be proficient and competitive in the real world.. and yet, i witness my heart slowly dying.

I have no more desires. It becomes a dirty and a cruel word. I am completely lost. I am indeed that far off that I do not know how to come back. The anger continues. I am actually angry at the fact I am this angry. It is a place where I know nothing can make me happy. Not even the thought of God. So maybe here is the problem. I lost hope in God, so there's nothing left to look forward to. Everything is screwed. God, what do I say to you? to myself? I just dont know what it is about anymore.

Screw everything!!!

i have been wanting to say those two words here for more than a year and i finally did.

i voted for satan

[Disclaimer : I did not write this entry (nor the title)but my friend William did. I would say we have very similar thoughts about the outcome of the 2008 U.S. Presidential Election. And my special friend William Keomany puts the thoughts in words better than I could have. He gave me the permission to post this on my blog. So, ladies and gentlemen, here goes...]

Personally i don't think it matters whether McCain or Obama or even a resurrected Abraham Lincoln is president. Those men of high positions can only do so much locally and in individual hearts of people. The true action comes from believers that walk with Christ. We are the ones that go out there and talk to people that are getting abortions, or are living in sinful lifestyles. those that are living blindly. we introduce the true change in their hearts, only then can we expect them to see the light and vote according to how things God would want.

Yes, a lot of people didn't get their candidate in. they can bitch and moan for four years. but that doesn't change anything. that is a defeated attitude. But we still have the true power in going out in our communities, into the world and showing proof. A person who goes out and holds babies and infants speaks more volume than any person who merely votes for pro life issues. we use convincing rhetoric on why abortion is wrong to people that are blind in the first place. but how can they deny us when we hold babies, and show them the true precious life? What i'm saying is what you have been doing, you've been speaking louder with action than words.

I feel politics are a very carnal war. we as christians fall into those games too by not knowing our facts, and give opponents or swing voters wrong facts. thus making ourselves liars. we picket, we get angry, and throw chairs and write angry statuses on facebook. we write stupid things like we're going to leave our country.. if those are not carnal attitudes then i don't know what is.

How can we say these things represent God then? These things cause our political opponents and even undecided people to put up walls. Christ used actions and the right strategy to break down walls in people he talked to. He brought truth to the light. Perhaps we are to present truth in love, bridge a gap and not dub people with different perspectives idiots even if they don't agree. They may not change their minds right away, but they will know you have good reasons to believe what you believe.

Understanding. Compassion.

Liberals are not idiots.
Republicans are not closedminded.

We with the light are real change.

william

Chronicles of my life post St. E in a nutshell of course...

Since my sudden reunion with my ex St E girls, Ive gotten many questions on where Ive been since we parted ways in 1994. So out of my narcissistic nature, Ive decided to post an entry to summarize the 14 lost years in hope of their little interest in my interesting journey... hehehe.

Nov 1994 we finished SPM. I went for a short vacation just 3 weeks. Upon return, my mother, bless her heart enrolled me into American University Program at Inti Sarawak campus. In less than a week, I packed my bags ( I havent even finished unpacking from my vacation) and went off to Kuching. There I finished off 4 semesters of classes in one breath, putting me in sophomore standing as far as 4 year college is concerned. That was December 1994 till March 1996.

Went to Inti Subang April 96 - July 96.

August 96 - transferred to the University of Nebraska- Lincoln, Food Science and Technology department.

May 99 - Graduated with Bachelor of Agricultural Sciences.

May 99 - Aug 00 - worked on campus. Upon the expiration of my working permit, was offerred an graduate research assistantship to pursue a post graduate degree.

Aug 00 - Jan 04 - completed the requirements for my Masters of Science.

Jan 04 - Immediately after my oral defense I packed my bags again, in less than 48 hours, I was on the plane heading for Hong Kong after 7 plus years in good old Nebraska. I had decided to set apart that year to do missions. So, I signed myself up for A Year in Asia Program with Youth With A Mission Hong Kong. Initially planning to just stay for a year, after much prayers and consideration, I felt compelled to stay longer. So I signed up for a 2 year commitment as part of the YWAM HK staff. It was THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE!!!! Halfway into that, I got reunited (over long distance) with my then estranged ex fiance. Two months later in Nov 05, we decided to get married a year from then, after my commitment with YWAM HK was over.

Feb 2006 - Wedding date was set, church booked. My sweetheart flew over to Hong Kong on the valentine's day weekend with a diamond ring and proposed. Then he went back to execute all the wedding plans (now where do you find a man like that?? :)).

3 weeks before the wedding, I packed my bags and left Hong Kong. We got hitched on Nov 11 2006 in Klang, Nov 18 in Sibu, then only the honeymoon.

Dec 2006, I accepted the offer to work at Sunway Medical Center.

I have been working there since...

Ode to my St E girls

Recently, out of some curiosities and of the blue, Ive decided to track down a group of friends that I had decidedly 'abandoned' since years ago. Ever since I signed on Facebook (Dec 2006, yep..that early), I have been looking out for college friends from Nebraska particularly and of course at that time and my Hong Kong friends who were diehard Myspace loyalist ( I was too). So, most of the time I was just waiting for people to get signed on. And my dream came true sometime last year when one after another began signing on and more and more this year and then eventually even those whom I never would have thought would get into this social networking thing signed on . Hurrah!!!

Anyway back to my main point. One boring afternoon, I was wondering how I could get in touch with my long lost seatmate in class who sat with me practically since the first grade (primary 1 that is). Her name simply Jane Lee didnt help me much with searching. But I couldnt remember whom I fingered and finally I got a possible lead. With a few clues here and there, I decided to sned a message to Jane who chose a profile picture of two knotty stuff. :). and of course, it was Jane no less. I found my Jane. That opened the door for many other leads.

Many of the girls have changed their names as in adopted some western names (due to overseas exposure, jobs etc as quipped by Maeve Hou, formerly known as Hou Siew Ming). Lau Kin Fong has become Amanda Lau, and Teo Chun Leng has become Jolene Teo to name a few. And even myself, I have also become Angeline Yong legally. It is interesting to be reunited with them with their new identities. Besides the name change, relationship status have changed as well. Many of us are married now and some even with children (to my delight). I had some good times catching up with a few of them this week even though most of it was brief. Many are still out there. People like En Ji, Swee Sim, Hie Ching and Belinda, I am still wondering about them. I dont know how cool they are in regards to getting hooked up with ex highschoolmates. I was not too keen on it myself at one point of time, not meaning I didnt want to have anything to do with them anymore. It was just that for the past decade or so, I hardly thought much about secondary school or anything pertaining to it. Maybe I was just too distracted with the present moment. But I guess, everything has its own time.

Now it has come around a full circle. I feel a certain completion and somewhat a sense of closure. I have finally returned to my roots.

i wanted to write something...but

i forgot what i wanted to write about.
sorry chisso ko ko.

i will be back. hang in there.

Heroes of my favorite tv shows.

1. Fox Mulder from The X files.
He is hot, smart, funny, and kind hearted.

2. Hawkeye Pierce from M*A*S*H*.
He is smart, funny, kind hearted, but not too hot looking.

3. Mohinder Suresh from Heroes.
He is WAY hot, smart, kind hearted but not funny at all.

4. Gregory House from House M.D.
He is just smart and funny, but ugly and extremely mean.

Part 9: The Doubt and the Final Assurance

The decision to marry changed a few important things immediately.

Even after several discussion on the different possibilities of what our future direction was going to be like, KK finally told me one day he would be sticking to his job and wait for further instructions. That was the direction he got from God after much prayers. And that was the very last thing that I wanted. There were doubt, fear, frustration, and doubt again. What about my dreams and plans? What about my calling? Should I just call it off?

God help me.

When I have quieted down, the still small voice came saying "You want to know my plans for your future, walk into this marriage. This is the door that will lead you there ". The assurance gave me peace. Afterwards I realized I've had too many preconceived ideas on where I should go and how everything was supposed to happen. I wasn't really open to alternatives. God wanted me to lay them down and surrender my agendas to him, again.

A few days later KK came to HK with a ring and officially proposed. I was ready to confidently say yes. God is always timely.