My dichotomy

One thing.

Recapitulating what happened during outreach last year, even though I know it is impossible, I decided to try getting this sorted through before I leave. Defining this was the cause my insomnia last night. Now, let me astound you with the complexity of my simple mind.

There was me. Angeline and Hua Jing. There was us and them. And there was us and them. With them, I was Angeline, trying to forget Hua Jing. With them, I was Angeline except Angeline was trying to remember Hua Jing. Angeline had to be part of us because everyone of us could not be part of them. Angeline rationalized and emotionalized in our language. Hua Jing used to be part of them. She felt and reasoned in their language because our language was foreign. But Hua Jing is no longer that. She has become Angeline. And when Angeline was with them, Hua Jing wanted to come back. Hua Jing wanted to temporarily forget Angeline, afterall Angeline didnt exist till Hua Jing was 18. Hua Jing itched to be returned to them. Angeline missed the days she was only Hua Jing. Yes, there were days she was only Hua Jing and today she is totally Angeline. Hua Jing was unhappy with the insensitive remarks that were being spoken about them because she was one of them. And Angeline was unhappy with the insensitive remarks that were spoken about them because she was also one of them. Angeline couldnt blame them. Hua Jing couldnt blame them. Angeline saw the divergence of these two worlds, practically impossible to unite yet colliding and clashing in her own life, seeking for a resolution and closure.

Angeline or Hua Jing?

Hua Jing or Angeline?

It is really hard to be both at the same time. If you really want to understand, take up a second culture now and in the next decade speak think and feel only in that language, then go back and interact with the people that reminds you of your past and tell me how that feels!

The reward is, it can be insanely fun.